Halloween is almost upon us! Time to whip out your best costume (anyone considering a Sabrina Carpenter-inspired look this year?), prep some spooky-themed cocktails, and tell a Halloween joke or two. Let's face it, whether you're going to a blowout Halloween party or have a costume happy hour with your coworkers planned this season, chances are you could benefit from having a (yes, slightly cringe, and yes, slightly dad joke-like) spooky story to tell.
Maybe it's when you want to lighten the mood after watching a horror movie, or in the middle of a truly terrifying haunted house tour? No one is above a pun! These could easily serve as witty Instagram captions, quips to drop in your group text, or even as a timely Hinge profile prompt. The possibilities that holiday-themed puns hold are endless. With that, here are the best seasonal one-liners to have up your sleeve.
Best Halloween Jokes and Puns
- What's a vampire's favourite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A squash.
- What kind of bread do zombies use?
Whole brain.
- Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with.
- Where do the ghouls send letters?
At the ghost office.
- Who did the ghost take on a date?
His ghoulfriend.
- Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
- Where does a ghost go on vacation?
The Dead Sea.
- Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy?
They don't have the stomach for it.
- Why don't people like vampires?
They're a pain in the neck.
- Why do vampires love lollipops?
They're suckers.
- Which monster loves going clubbing?
The boogeyman.
- What car does Frankenstein drive?
A monster truck.
- What does a ghost call a mistake?
A boo boo.
- Why can't the skeleton play music in the church?
Because they've got no organs.
- What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
- What happens when a vampire goes out when it's snowing?
Frost bite.
- Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
He was already stuffed.
- Where do werewolves hide their Halloween costume?
In a werehouse.
- Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had bat breath.
- What kind of food does a witch have for lunch?
A sand-witch.
- How does a skeleton say 'hello' in French?
Bone-jour.
- What's the problem with twin wizards?
You never know witch is witch.
- Where does a ghost go on holiday?
Mali-boo.
- Where do fashionable ghosts shop for clothes?
Boo-tiques.
- How do mummies start their cover letters?
Tomb it may concern.
- How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?
They use scare-spray.
- What do birds give to trick-or-treaters?
Tweets.
- What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert?
I scream.
- What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo!
- When do cows turn into werewolves?
During the full moo-n.
- What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spook-ghetti.
- What do ghosts wear for bad eyesight?
Spook-tacles.
- Why didn’t the skeleton want to go trick-or-treating?
His heart wasn’t in it.
- Why are zombies so hard to understand?
They’re very crypt-ic.
- Where did the zombie buy a new home?
On the road with a dead end.
- What did the witch do when she got very angry?
She flew off the handle.
- What is a vampire’s least favourite food?
Stake.
- Why are vampires terrible at playing rounders?
Their bats fly away.
- What do the ghosts play on the beach with?
Boo-ckets and spades
- What's a mummy's favourite genre of music?
Wrap.
- What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO.
- Why didn't the zombie go to work?
He felt rotten.
- What happened when the vampire was ill?
He couldn't stop coffin.
- What does a zombie call his parents?
Mummy and Deady.
- Did you hear about the grumpy pumpkin?
It needed to lighten up.
- What's the skeleton's favourite band?
The Dead Hot Chili Peppers.
- Why shouldn't you date a mummy?
They're too wrapped up in themselves.
- Why do ghosts like to ride in the lift?
It raises their spirits.
- What’s a monster’s favourite movie?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
- How do witches set their hair?
With scare spray.
- How do you get out of a graveyard?
Use a skeleton key.
- Who do witches live with?
Broommates.
- Why are trick-or-treaters never on time?
Because they're running choco-late.
- What is a ghost's favourite type of fruit?
Boo-berries.
- What do you call someone cleaning their garden on Halloween?
The grim-sweeper.
- Why don't witches like Starbucks?
Because they like to brew their own coffee.
- What would you do to get rid of daemons?
Exorcise.
- What is a pumpkin's favourite way to listen to music?
On vine-yl.
- Why don't skeletons bungee jump?
They don't have the guts to.
- What kind of shoes do ghosts wear in the winter?
Boo-ts.
- Where do spiders shop for food?
On the web.
- How do vampires spend their Sundays?
Bat-ch cooking.
- What is the ghoul's favourite song?
"Scream A Little Scream Of Me."
- Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
You can see right through them.
- Where do mummies like to go on holiday?
Near the Dead Sea.
- How do ghosts ask each other how they are?
"How do you boo?"
- What is the ghost's favourite playground game?
Hide and shriek.
- How do zombies like their eggs cooked?
Terri-fried.
- What is the witch's favourite subject at school?
Spelling!.
Honestly, you're welcome.
